An Introduction to Your End
According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the average funeral today costs over $10,000. That’s such a ridiculous amount of money that if you weren’t already dead, the shock of it might kill you. It’s enough to make you understand if your relatives chose to just dump your body in a field under cover of darkness. Yet, despite the expense, few people plan their funerals ahead of time. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
What other event of such magnitude do people drop Benjamins galore on with no arrangements in place? Weddings, vacations, births of children, car purchases: most of us prepare for months, if not years, for such milestones. But none of those are sure to be a one-off. You could have any number of marriages. Dozens of vacations. Dozens of cars. Dozens of . . . children, God help you. With a funeral, you pretty much get one shot to nail it.
But this defining moment of your existence (or nonexistence, as it were), the one chance for your friends and family to come together and remember who you were, what they loved about you, and how you left your mark on the world, is an afterthought. No, worse—it’s an anti-thought, something many people avoid thinking about completely. This isn’t healthy. You are going to be worm food one day, and it’s time to deal with it.
Which brings us to Nicolas Cage. Everyone loves Nicolas Cage. His films have made five billion dollars. He’s got an Oscar. He named his son after Superman. Yes, he blew his fortune acquiring such esoteric items as a dinosaur skull, a pet octopus, and not one but
two castles, but what’s important is that in the middle of his spending spree, he realized he could not take any of it with him.
One of Cage’s many purchases was a nine-foot-tall pyramid tomb in a famous New Orleans cemetery. It’s gleaming white and engraved with the Latin phrase OMNIA AB UNO (Everything from One). Still only in his mid-forties, he’d decided to take charge of his own afterlife in the most Nicolas Cage manner possible. No way was he letting his busload of ex-wives bury him under a simple tombstone. He looked death in the face and said, “I was Ghost Rider. Did you see that movie? It was absolutely murdered by the critics. Which I think was unfair because—anyway, my point is, you do not scare me.”
You need to be at least as rational as Nicolas Cage when it comes to planning your funeral. That is a very low bar. If the star of the direct-to-DVD film
Vengeance: A Love Story has put his affairs in order, it’s time to get serious.
But not too serious. Because planning the biggest event of your afterlife should be a blast. A
fun-eral, if you will. Within the pages of this book, you have the chance to make sure your send-off is exactly what you want it to be, whether that’s a drunken bacchanalia or a sober, somber reflection on just how great you were. The decisions to make are many, as are the pitfalls to avoid. Every stage of
the legacy-planning process will be considered, from selecting a burial outfit and accessories to choosing a funeral theme. Guided-journal elements and worksheets will not only help you think outside the coffin, but ensure that your wishes are recorded—which will be a massive help to your loved ones.
Just imagine: your mourners screw up your send-off because they have to throw together a five-figure event in a couple of days while sobbing uncontrollably. Having a plan will both ensure that you get the funeral of your dreams and take the burden of major decisions off them.
If all of this sounds too sad or scary to contemplate, it’s okay. You’re not alone. Take comfort in knowing that the best way to conquer your fears and anxiety about death is to face it head-on. Although you can’t choose the time or manner of your demise, at least you can make sure you have a say in what happens after. By working out the details in advance, you won’t have to cross your fingers that your spirit will find a way to communicate your funeral wishes through a psychic. And
doesn’t that make you feel just a little bit better?
Planning your own funeral is an act of love, an important aspect of positive mental health, and—thanks to this book—it’s going to be a heck of a lot of fun.
Copyright © 2021 by Kathy Benjamin. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
