About This Book This is a magical diary, which should be a wondrous thing, but in reality it is a living nightmare. Every time I, Loki, god of mischief, record my deeds inside its pages, the diary calculates my so-called virtue score. This calculation rarely goes in my favor.
And to make matters worse, if I stray ever so slightly from the truth, it corrects me. I have to put up with such nonsense because this diary is programmed with the so-called wisdom of smelly bum-bum Odin.
Correction: Odin does not have a smelly bum-bum.
HA! Victory! I made the diary say “smelly bum-bum”!
Anyway. I have been sent to Midgard, which you peasants call Earth, as punishment for cutting off the goddess Sif’s hair. The conditions of my punishment are that I must take the form of a mortal child and refrain from displaying my amazing godly powers. Luckily, I’ve discovered a loophole: as long as mortals don’t SEE me transforming into various animals and beings, I can do it as often as I like.
This is, irritatingly, true.
Accompanying me are my fake family: Thor, Hyrrokkin, and Heimdall.
This is what I have done on Earth so far . . .
Discovered the horrors
of mortal school.
Made two mortal friends.
Valerie
Georgina
Defeated many Frost Giants!
(Well, the same ones twice.)
Woo-hoo!
Oh no!
Woo-hoo!
Oh no!
And received magical gifts . . .
BECAUSE I AM AWESOME and a Good God™ now.
A GIANT'S GUIDE TO MAGIC SPELLS FOR BEGINNERS Wand
Lie detected. You were NOT given the book (and by extension the wand) because you are “awesome” and a Good God™ now. Hyrrokkin said that you “still have far to go and a lot to learn.”
Harrumph. I guess that’s why I’m still stuck here . . .
Copyright © 2024 by Louie Stowell; illustrated by Louie Stowell. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
